What if this leaves me so broken that I can never be myself again? I don't even mean if the relationship ends, because even when we're happy, which is most of the time, I feel lost. I avoided too much thought and too much analyzation, because I wanted this. Looking back, I can't believe I've spent 3 & 1/2 years working on this.

I've never worked on anything. I've never actually worked on a relationship. I've never fought to keep something together, fought to keep something functioning. I've never built a life and a home with someone. So I have no comparison. I have no way of knowing if I'm on the right track.

How much effort is necessary and normal? How much incompatibility can be overcome without sacrificing yourself?

I just need some guidelines.