I always thought you would play a bigger role in my life, rather than just a friend on the back burner. Still though, it's been a long time.

Best friend says, "So here is the awkward conversation where I tell you that for about a month I realized I forgot to tell you happy birthday, but instead of saying it like a week late I wait a month....And I also suppose that I'm sorry for being a wanker?"

It made me laugh. We've actually been talking again lately - really talking, more than just the occasional "What's new?"

It's made me wonder about friendship. When we talk we always slide right back into familiar hilarity, but things are not the same. Things have never, ever been the same since we slept together. Which wasn't necessarily a bad thing - things were pretty good about a year after that.

But still, it�s never been the same. Being in relationships with other people has made me realize how much of our friendship was based on being in love with each other. It's like there is this place that our friendship can no longer venture, because it would be wrong. Being friends the way that we used to be friends, before we dated, would be infidelity. We may have spent the first 5 years just being friends, but our friendship was based in love, and without the love it can never be as good as it was.

It makes me wonder about the merits of that friendship. There is undeniably something wonderful and platonic still there, but if most of the magic was the result of a love that we no longer have, shouldn�t that change my perspective of the friendship?

Can the boys we loved when we were 12 ever really be our friends?

Before and After

Index - Older - Profile - Notes - Diaryland

[I believe in a thing called love]