I was just reading back on a moment that I forgot about. Completely forgot it ever happened. I obviously remembered that I cheated on my ex with the Dominican. But I forgot what happened after the cheating. My relationship was so terrible � full of fighting and being unsatisfied. My ex and I were fighting, as usual, and then the Dominican text me. And then he called, and we spent an hour on the phone talking about a bunch of little things that didn�t matter, and it was exactly what I needed. The banter between us, mixed with those moments of sincerity, was a wonderful thing. Always has been.

I was unhappy, and he gave me this beautiful thing. And I realized I didn�t love the person I was with. Reading what I wrote about it, I can�t believe I forgot about it. It was funny, and it was sweet, and it was beautiful and I forgot that it happened. I forgot that he made me realize what I needed.

And now it makes me worry. I don�t have that anymore. That was 4 years ago. Gone are the days where whenever I was unsure or unhappy, he would text me or call me at the exact right moment and give me what I needed. And no one else has filled that position.

What if I need that? What if, in order to get perspective on a relationship, I need to be reminded of what I could have?