It�s TL�s turn to be designated driver, and I�m really hoping I take advantage of it. I�ve become so boring, I worry I�ll have two drinks and call it a night. I want to give myself permission to let loose and just be my irresponsible fun loving self again, even if just for one night.

The drummer of the band is having an after party at his house, just like he did when I used to go see them. This gives me mixed feelings. 1) It is undeniably sad that this group of musicians and friends are still doing the exact same things that they did in high school. But, 2) since I�m being so quarterlife crisis lately, I have this strange desire to go. I just want to go and drink and smoke pot and stay up all night, stand around smoking cigarettes, talking about music and watching the sun come up.

I�m quite certain TL would have no desire to go be sober at some 25 year old�s after party. And really, I don�t think I do either. It�s just that part of me that wants to recapture something, because I know what I felt like the last time I stood in that yard watching the sun come up. And I miss feeling that way. As if this group of acquaintances would have any real bearing on my life.

It�s nice to hope, though.