Hand-made.

I was looking for my Manhattanville student ID number in old emails.

I couldn't help but read a few. More than a few. I have fucked up so many things. I forgot. I forgot how bad it was; time has allowed me to gloss over it, so I'm left with the memory "I failed out of college" without any of the details.

The details are horrifying. I was so checked out, never sleeping, constantly lying, avoiding, denying, completely debilitated by anxiety.

I just wanted to stop reading them. I felt overwhelming shame remembering what happened 6 years ago; I started skipping over any email from any faculty member, much like I did 6 years ago.

I am a different person in many ways, but the same in just as many. I am better, but I am not healed.

I let myself remember everything, and I cried. It was surprising to cry over something from so long ago.

I want to forget again.

Before and After

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[I believe in a thing called love]