A few weeks ago TL & and I went to the city for the night to see Puddles Pity Party. He is the only clown I�ll ever love. It was weird to be there with TL. In the almost 5 years we�ve been together, we�ve never been to the city together. The show was great and we had a good time, but he hates the city. This sounds dramatic, but it hurts my heart. He hates my favorite place in the world. This isn�t a surprise; I�ve always known that. But because he likes the activities of the city (concerts, plays, fun bars, etc.), I thought if we went he would have some kind of realization that it�s actually magnificent. And I realize that was an absurd thing to hope for. He�s 44 years old and lives in Connecticut - he�s been to the city quite enough times in his life to form a proper opinion. But I still had hope. And I don�t mean like it was some kind of disaster, we really had fun and he clearly enjoyed himself. He just wishes Grand Central was deserted so he could look at the architecture in peace, and I desperately want to know what the girl in the corner is mumbling to herself about. These are our differences.
That weekend I went to Queens with friends to see Brand New and Modest Mouse. That was an amazing experience. Not to blow off Modest Mouse, because they were incredible, but seeing Brand New was a life experience I�m so, so happy to have. I didn�t realize what an impression it would make on me. A stadium full of my peers and everyone is singing along with every song. I�ve always loved them, and in recent years I�ve rambled on to anyone who will listen about their style evolution throughout the years, and how they are consistently putting out amazing music, from Your Favorite Weapon to Daisy, and how incredible it is that a band could evolve in such a way while being consistently good, consistently talented, and consistently loved by their fans. But what I realized being at that concert was how much this band was a part of our adolescence. To have that many people singing their hearts out, especially to songs from Your Favorite Weapon and Deja Entendu, was moving. I knew that I was affected by this music as a teenager in a lasting way, but it was amazing to see that the same was true for so many other people. It made me feel like I was connected to something. Like I had something meaningful in common with every person in that stadium.
I�ve been sick since the day of the concert, so that�s been delightful.
On Friday TL text me and said his mom passed out at work, but his sister C picked her up and brought her home, and she seemed to be fine. He and C went to go pick up the car from work. Then he text again to say his other sister M was at the house and freaking him out, and asked if I could go check on them. So I left work and went to the house. M had just called 911 because she thought there was something really wrong. The EMT�s came, checked all her vitals, checked for signs of a stroke. When they were asking questions about what happened earlier that morning, I couldn�t tell if she actually didn�t remember, or if she was just being uncooperative. The EMT�s had a few ideas: 1) UTI. They said it can cause confusion, but she doesn�t have any other symptoms so that seems unlikely. 2) Accidentally took a double dose of one of her meds. Possible. 3) TIA. Probable, as it turns out, this has happened twice before. She needs to see a doctor about whatever it is, and so far she�s refusing. She also refused to tell the EMT where her medications are.
TL is in a state of frustration because he has very strong and logical feelings about what needs to happen, but he is non-confrontational so instead of being honest he just hears what she�s saying, gets frustrated and walks away. Then he�ll talk to me and say �She needs to do this because of X, Y, and Z.� and will articulate everything very logically. But he doesn�t want to have the confrontation, so instead he�s just upset and worrying and not sleeping. I think he wants me to talk to her, which I�m more than happy to do. I�m trying to get a feel from the siblings. I know I�m a completely accepted part of the family, but I don�t want to cross any boundaries. That being said, I�m more than comfortable to have the difficult conversations, and I�m a good mediator between family members.
She claims to have a doctor�s appointment on Wednesday, but won�t say with whom, so no one believes her.
My now-ex-co-worker is moving across the country in the most illogical and disorganized way. It has been painful to listen to. Just one bad decision after another, and then all this surprise that the bad decisions are turning out poorly. Painful. And she�s been completely useless at work. She wouldn�t remember something that happened 20 minutes ago, let alone something that happened a week ago. Her quality of work dropped dramatically, and she refused to acknowledge it.
Her last day of work was last Wednesday. I am currently the only employee, and that is awful. Plus I start school on the 29th.
I�ve been scouring through resumes looking for a new paralegal. I�m truly horrified by the amount of people who don�t know how to write a decent resume. Huge glaring mistakes, missing information like not listing the school you went to or the years, or whether or not you obtained a degree. Oh you were in the legal studies program for a year�..what does that mean? Did you get a certificate? Can you even complete a certificate in a year? Did you graduate from something? Do you have a degree in progress? I�m sure as fuck not scheduling an interview to find out.
Listing all kinds of nonsense phrases about themselves. You have a strong commitment to accuracy and pay strict attention to detail, but you didn�t list what college you supposedly have a B.S. in Legal Studies from? Fascinating. I�m trying not to be too critical of the resumes if they have experience in a law firm and/or the right education. But at the same time, if you�re sending out shitty resumes, you�re probably going to send out shitty work product too, and I do not have time for that. Before my co-worker became useless, we thought she would still be here to help train the new person. But now I�m the only employee, and will be trying to train someone in the midst of doing all the work. And going to school. This fall is going to be a nightmare. I�m already exhausted.
I just want someone competent. How do I advertise for that? Must have office skills and common sense. I can train someone with office skills and common sense.
We don�t have an intern this semester, and after the last two I don�t know if that�s a good thing or a bad thing. Again, I would love a competent intern. Office skills and common sense, office skills and common sense, office skills and common sense.
Today is best friend�s birthday. He posted on Facebook that his cell isn�t working and to use his work cell. So this morning I sent a text to his work cell, and got a message that the number I just text is a landline. So, I sent him a private message on Facebook explaining. And haven�t heard back. I�m feeling super awkward about our friendship right now, and I�m sure it�s just in my head. I�m probably making too much of it. But we haven�t had any communication since the first week of January and that�s weird. I don�t want to be weird. I believe we�ve met the quota for a lifetime of weirdness these last 13 years. We�ve had so many different phases of our friendship and relationship and whatever, it�s time for things to be normal, amiright? He has been with his girlfriend since he left me, over 7 years ago. We should be past weirdness and into comfortable, reliable friendship. I�m too old to be tripping over technology and sending awkward messages about the awkward messages I sent, analyzing what he says or doesn�t say, blah blah blah high school. Just, high school.
The recent stress and sleep deprivation is wearing me down. Even being exhausted, I can�t sleep well. What�s worse is that right now, there�s no end in sight. Coming up I will be working Monday-Thursday and going to school on Fridays. I will be training a new employee, and even under the best conditions, with the best employee, that is time consuming.
I need to start packing my things, because I'm moving to a different (better) office.
I just want to sleep.