I want to change.

I never end up saying what I want to say, even to myself. I start to say something, but then I feel I need to make a distinction between what I'm feeling and things that aren't your fault.

I never end up saying what I need to say.

I feel broken and lonely and I'm so restless and so disappointed in how my life turned out. And I am worried that life will never be any better than this, that it will just be long and unfulfilling.

I can just vaguely remember feeling crazy, when the lows used to make the highs so much more intense, the lows were a sharp pain and I loved them as much as anything else.

I feel dull and lifeless. The lows are just a dull ever-present ache, and the highs are just a band-aid. They don't even deserve to be called highs.

I am discontent more often than not, in a way that I can't even be bothered to mention most of the time.

I want to feel.

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[I believe in a thing called love]