Without the slightest exaggeration, the only things we ever fight about are housework and politics. And those fights are rare.

Which is why it's so surprising that when they happen, they feel monumental. I used to joke about it, that it was nice to feel secure in a relationship, to be over the initial uncertainty where everything felt like a crisis, and to know that you were not going to break up over a fight about doing the dishes.

But lately, six years in, it all feels significant. Are we going to break up over a fight about doing the dishes? I do not even fucking vote, are we going to break up over politics? We see the world so differently. He sees everything in black and white, right and wrong. I see everything as an opinion and a perspective. I don't care if we agree. I think it's unnecessary to talk about it. I don't like talking about politics with anyone, let alone someone I know doesn't agree with me. We already know what we agree and disagree on. We know safe political topics to discuss, and we know which issues are going to lead to a screaming match in bed at 9PM on a Wednesday.

Knowing that, why would we ever choose to discuss one of those topics? And yet he does. More frequently lately than ever. And the only times it doesn't lead to us both yelling like maniacs is when I ignore it. He talks, and I do not look at him or say anything until he stops talking or changes the subject.

Sometimes I respond with things that have nothing to do with the conversation. He will say, "I just don't understand how these idiots can support bringing refugees into this country." And I will say, "I saw a recipe for a chicken and rice bake that looked like an easy weeknight meal." He'll respond, "We can't even properly screen all of these people." And I'll say, "Jill broke up with her girlfriend again." And this nonsensical exchange will just go on indefinitely.

In addition to my blatant disinterest, I've been clearly saying for at least 2 years that I do not want to talk about politics, because it leads to unnecessary fighting. I've also told him that if this is a deal breaker for him, he needs to tell me so we can go our separate ways. If he needs to be with someone who shares his political views, that's fine. But he needs to say so, because he's never going to change my opinions and I'm never going to change his, and that's okay.

I just feel like this relationship is in a really weird place right now. It wouldn't be accurate to say that my feelings change or go back and forth, because at every moment of every day I both want to leave and want to stay. On a daily basis I fantasize about living alone. I imagine ways for us to break up. "Maybe he'll cheat on me!" I imagine with glee. I just want an easy out. I want an explanation. Because if we broke up now, I wouldn't even know what the reason would be.

Even when I'm mad and miserable, he is still my favorite person to be with. I've never been able to spend this much time with another person. I need alone time, and I need a lot of it, but I am more comforted by his presence than anything else.

I don't know what to make of these conflicting feelings. Feeling them at the same time is exhausting.

When what I want to say is, "I love you but I want to be alone" I can't help but think I'll regret leaving.