when i found out i burst into laughter & tears simultaneously. but i laughed myself silly, & was no longer upset.

he kept avoiding discussing it in any detail. but finally at three in the morning when we couldn't sleep, he talks about it.

he wants something "normal, low stress, low seriousness, not emotionally taxing, a pick-me-up."

i said, "oh! i'm trying one of those too. only he's really nice & normal & i can't be nice to him. but i'm trying."

he ignored that & said, "i mean..do i see this as really going anywhere? no. do i think it could get serious? no. are there any strong feelings involved? not that i'm aware of."

i said, "well, i think that'll be good for you. just, you know, in the midst of your pick-me-up, don't hurt the poor girl."

he said, "i've been really worried about that actually. but i don't think she has any serious feelings for me."

i said, "probably not." & he said, "shut up."

then he said, "courtney..you know i love you right?"

i started laughing.

he said, "..what's funny?"

& i said, "the last time you started out with that, you told me you could no longer be in the same state as me, let alone date me."

he said, "oh. no. ..fuck you. i just wanted you to know that if i could find a way to marry you right now, i'd be on my way over."

i said, "oh, well, thanks. if you find it, let me know, cause i'm sure i'll be bored to death trying to be normal."