i wish i were a poet again. but mostly i can't describe it, but my roommate and i are just hanging around, it's 1:30 in the morning and we're listening to britney spears, and i am so comforted. we're not talking. i miss coffee. i feel out of place sometimes, but the way i always do, because i never find my place..i wish you'd come back.

you came late, didn't look at me as much as i wanted but i love the way you always go straight for my bed, of all the furniture in this room, you always lay on my bed.

i've barely talked to you since i got here, i think you're scared i'll want to burst in on your relationship and i want to scream in your face, I NEVER LOVED YOU, DONT GIVE YOURSELF SO MUCH CREDIT, IT FELT LIKE LOVE, BUT LOVE COULD NEVER BE SO DULL

you were never enough to keep me. could you have held? no. i know.

people are out on the quad laughing, drunk, probably. i wish i were them. i miss cigarettes. i miss alcohol and weed.

i wish i were home, because some things still don't feel quite right. i miss my car and my friends and i think i should have done more. i think i should have fought leaving, i just want someone who wants to run away and be crazy and you are so disappointing, sad and passionate, i've never been able to stand it.

but i know that this will someday be my home. i feel it at different times. when i lay out on the grass, i can see the city in the distance. this state is my future.

but that doesn't matter now, because i'm lonely. do you live with her now? i suppose you do. that's what married people do. and that's what you are now.

did you know a year ago you were touching me in fantastic ways? sex in your car, so dark i couldn't see your face. but i could feel you and that was enough.

you just got married. i hope she's good. i didn't know you wanted a wife. but on that note, why am i always left for the wife?

all men, a few months - a year after dating me, end up with someone who wants to get married someday. someone who wants to have children. someone serious. someone unexciting. someone ugly, while we're being honest.

i don't understand. i deserve to be wanted.

i am sorry if i'm difficult. but i still deserve it.