as is her way though, she drank till she threw up, and then passed out in the back of my car.

now sober and bored, i decided to go to rhode island anyway. so i drove an hour and a half by myself to narragansett.

i parked in the parking lot of a stop&shop and went to sleep in the passenger seat.

we both woke up at 5 and the sun was almost starting to come up. she wanted to go back to sleep and so did i, briefly. then i realized i wanted this for myself. so i had her give me directions to scarborough beach.

so she went back to sleep, and i went and sat on the beach by myself.

i sat and i thought and i watched what was possibly one of the most terrifyingly gorgeous sunrises i've ever seen. it made me nervous it was so beautiful. had i any painting ability, i could not have painted a better sky.

and it's one of those times that you just want to call someone. and i thought of people i could call, but it wouldn't be as satisfying, because really i wanted to call you, and you're an ocean away.

and i looked at the ocean and it was so big. given, it's not the same ocean that's between us, but whatever, it's all water and connected.

you're the one i wanted to call. and then i got angry, because of all the water, and the phones. why don't phones just work anywhere? why, when i'm having some kind of really huge monumental moment, can i not call my hook up buddy who i had decided i didn't want to hear from until we go back to college? hmm? it's terrible, tragic about all this technology. and i thought about all the people who have loved people oceans away. and i thought about writing letters, and then i got angry because you would never write me a letter which is understandable as we are not in love, and you're home now so everything's probably really great and you don't have my home address and that's just not our style, anyhow, because our style is dysfunctional and silly and that doesn't usually include international letters saying, you know, "hey"

and then i got sad because "si tu no vuelves" came on my ipod, and the woman at dunkin donuts fucked up my coffee.

when i was finally home and sleeping i dreamt about kissing you, and those are the worst kind because when i wake up i forget what state i'm in.