I need change. My entire life revolves around work or his family. I don't do anything for myself anymore.

I was looking forward to tonight all week. We were going to go see a band within walking distance with some of our best friends. Today TL texts me and says his mom isn't feeling well and has a stomach bug or the flu or something, who the fuck knows, getting information out of this family is impossible.

I got out early today. He said he'd play it by ear and if she wasn't feeling better by this evening, he might sit tonight out. I thought that was fair, considering twice recently I've unexpectedly had to stay home with her when he had a show because she had a cold or some crisis.

By this evening I found out that she had not actually vomited at all today, was just fatigued and feeling nauseated. She thought she had a fever. He came upstairs and said, "She seems like she's dying of a fever." DYING. He's freaking out. We didn't have a thermometer, so C brought one over and took her temperature several times. She doesn't have a goddamn fever. Not even a little.

Then he tells me, as if this is a good thing, that he already text our friends and told them we can't make it. That WE can't make it, are you fucking kidding me? So they aren't coming into town at all. Now I'm sitting here in bed, he's playing guitar next to me because he's always playing guitar, and I kind of want to bash him over the head with it.

I'm trying to be understanding, really trying. He freaks out over nothing, okay. "She's dying of a fever" when she doesn't have a fever, okay. Acting like no one else has ever been sick before, okay. But telling our friends not to come around? He keeps saying he's sorry we didn't get our night out. Uh, yeah, well at least one of us could have. I've stayed home so he can be out at shows till 3am, but he can't let me have a few hours out of the house? I haven't seen my friends in months.

I can't keep living a life that I don't get any enjoyment out of. There need to be good things to counteract the unending stressors in our lives. I need social interaction. I can't stand being in this house anymore.

There is a restless fury building up inside of me. I want to be left alone to live a life of my choosing.